Today, I would like to talk to you about my abortion. I want to share this story because I think it is important to fight against the taboo. At that time I would have wished that I knew more stories – or knew stories at all – and knew people who had an abortion. In recent years, I have always wished that I could talk about it openly, but I have often wondered how, in which context and with whom. I was able to confide in people and that was good every time. Nevertheless, I asked myself in which situations it is okay to talk about something like this because it is simply a taboo. That’s why I’m very happy and grateful that today there is the possibility for me to share my story and, maybe, help other people – or maybe those who might get pregnant unintentionally in the future will remember it.
My abortion is now three years ago and it was immediately clear to me when I felt that something was going on and I had a premonition that I was pregnant. And even when I took the test, it was immediately clear to me. I have never doubted this decision and I have never regretted it. In all these years I have never regretted it.
Although it was immediately clear to me, I had to go to the pregnancy conflict counselling. This is regulated by law in Germany, but I had a good conversation there. So, my decision was never questioned, but I was able to talk about how I was doing and what my life situation was like. And I was able to ask a lot of questions about the further procedure. About the steps I still have to take, what I still have to get, and how it works. In addition, I was given a list of doctors on site who will perform the procedure.
Besides this taboo and the stigma, another thing that was a burden for me during this time was that the abortion has to be paid for by myself and I was somehow very afraid of it. However, during the consultation it was explained to me that I can apply for reimbursement of the costs. It just depends on the salary, how much you earn. At that time I didn’t earn any salary at all and only received a little money from my parents. Luckily, my dad wrote a note for the health insurance company and I am very grateful that I could talk to my parents about it and that they were a great support for me during this time. And it showed me again how dependent it is, because if I hadn’t had a good relationship with my parents, my dad couldn’t have filled out this note for me to explain, that I only get a small part of the money from them and I can’t pay for any abortion. You apply for it at your health insurance company and they then fetch it back from the federal state. So, it is also important and easier to have an abortion in the state where you are registered.
I was lucky to live in a big city at the time, but there were only three doctors who performed an abortion and, yes, it was not so easy and stressful to call around and ask for an appointment to get an appointment as quickly as possible. It was important to me to get it over with as quickly as possible, because on the one hand it was unwanted and I wanted to end it. And besides the pregnancy complications such as nausea, I wasn’t feeling well physically and emotionally at all, so I just had total stomach pain and my body was just totally resisting.
I decided to have the surgery and not the medication because I didn’t want to have any more pain and I wanted to get it over quickly. Of course I was super nervous before the surgery, but somehow I felt very well taken care of. I read in the surgery report that the procedure actually only took 5 minutes – such a super little thing actually and it was such a super big thing for me.
On that day, I was still very tired and weak, which is simply due to the anesthesia. What I found really amazing was that my complaints were gone immediately. I didn’t have any more nausea, my stomach pains and cramps were gone and I didn’t have any bleeding and then 10 days later I had another appointment with my gynecologist who checked if everything was ok and I didn’t have any irregular bleeding. Yes, that was somehow very surprising and I also felt that I felt rather uncomfortable with the gynecologist, for example, who did the test for me at that time and also checked if everything was ok.
Yeah, I don’t regret it. I wish for more openness and more talking about it, more removal of taboos and less stigmatization. Such an abortion can happen to all of us.
And I wish I had more words for it, because I find it strange to say “I was pregnant” and I often don’t know what to call it. Or when I talk about the time and say “when I was pregnant” I somehow find it very difficult to find the words for it. Because I was pregnant, but it did not feel like what I associate with pregnancy.
I hope that somehow my report could help some of you. I stand by it and will continue to stand by it.
